“What Would You Do If We Broke Up?”

He stood under the yellow light of a lamppost.  Neon signs from nearby restaurants cast rainbows on to his skin. The breeze flowed past us; his hair moved like fur.

“Hypothetically speaking, of course.” My boyfriend smiled. “What would you do? Would you get all crazy? All stalkery?”

“No…I didn’t after I broke up with my last boyfriend.”

“Yea, but you guys were on the outs for over a year by then. But we’re actually happy. What if I broke up with you right now?

“I’ve dreamed of that moment.”

“Ha!” My boyfriend grinned, smugly. “One could say that you fantasizing about it means you have some kind of disorder.”

“I’d be sad and bitter because it all makes no sense to me. Then I’d go to your place with my new boyfriend to pick up my stuff….”


“And then I’d have to say goodbye to Jasper, except he doesn’t understand goodbyes. I’ll try to explain it but he just won’t know we’ll never see each other again, and that’s when I’ll start crying, just like in my dream.”

“Well I’d beat your new boyfriend with a pipe. Then I’d stab him! I’ll get something and keep stabbing him with it!”

“Nooo!! How did you know blood loss is his only weakness?!” I shouted on the streets on Brooklyn.

“Ugh, I’m grinding my teeth just thinking about it now!” said my boyfriend, his jaw visibly clenched. “Then I’d cut off his face and wear it as a mask and fuck you.”


“No wait, I’ll skewer his face on myself and then fuck you, as a fuck you to both of you!”

“And you say I’m the one with the disorder?!?!”

I think it’s safe to say I got his question to emotionally backfire on him… :p


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