All Packed Up

  9 months in and I still consider this a new relationship with my boyfriend.  When does it become old?  Does it ever get old?  I’ve only had one relationship prior to this, and I wouldn’t so much say things got “old”…more of that they got “awful”.  Over a year in to my first relationship, my then-boyfriend begged me to come to his graduation at Duke, then made sure that my return flight home would get me out of there before his parents arrived.  What that means is, I didn’t get to attend his actual graduation, because he didn’t want me to meet his parents.  We ended up meeting anyway, because his parents showed up a few days early.

And they were nice.  The mother and I communicated in bad Mandarin, the dad spoke English but was a very quiet guy.  His older sister, whom I had met 3 months in to our relationship, was energetic and fun.  They eventually warmed up to me in the few days we were together, and all my trepidation went away.  They KNOW he has a girlfriend.  What is the point of hiding it artificially, when they already know?  It turns out, they were nice people and the real issue was the grave fear my ex-boyfriend felt within himself.  He didn’t want us to meet, he always lied to his parents if we were going somewhere together.  If we went on a vacation with each other, he would say he was going with his guy friends.  Anything we ate or did had to be charged to my name, because he was deathly afraid of them seeing he was paying for ANYTHING for me.  Even buying me a slice of pizza would be too risky to him.  I know he had no income, he solely relied on his parents for money, and I didn’t want him to pay for me all the time.  But when you’re with a guy who is constantly throwing it in your face that he will never treat you to anything, it just kinda sucks, you know?

I’m glad to be done with him, and being with my new boyfriend has brought to light how different things could be…and how awesome that can be.

  1. Money & Feeling Special – We still tend to split the bill…I feel guilty if I make him pay for everything.  But he treats me every now and then, and a little gesture like that feels really nice.
  2. When his mom calls, he isn’t instantly filled with hate!!!  Wha?!  :P  Yeah, my ex-boyfriend would instantly be very annoyed and yelling in to the phone.  It shocked me the first few times….how can you talk to your mother like that?  If it were me, I’d get slapped.  Hard.  It’s disrespectful and there’s no place for that in any kind of relationship, especially not between family!  My current boyfriend went through tons of issues and had a huge falling out with his parents in the past…but that drama is all done with now, he’s grown up, and they talk like friends.  That’s pretty awesome, I think.  They chat, catch up, and he isn’t afraid of mentioning I EXIST.
  3. He Doesn’t Hide Me.  Aside from being honest about my existence to his parents, aside from telling them about me so I’m not some weird stranger who has attached herself to their kid….I’m going to meet his parents soon.  I’m still kinda in shock about how kind his parents seem to be – they suggested and arranged a 5 day vacation for us all in Provincetown, MA, and similarly planned and paid for a vacation for us 4 again next summer, to camp and raft the Grand Canyon….and they haven’t even met me yet.  I do feel they may know way more about me than I know of them.  From what I overhear, when I pretend to be minding my own damn business, my boyfriend talks a lot about me on the phone.  He’s said that when he went home to see them after we got together, they commented profusely on how much happier his mood seems to be.  So…maybe his parents just like me because I made their son less suicidal?  Haha.  Even so, it’s nice that they’ve pre-accepted me already, and I feel that it’s all because he doesn’t hide my existence and tells them things about me.

There’s really a million other ways that make me so happy I’m with my current boyfriend instead of my ex.  But these are the ones that are more on-topic for the weekend, so I will stop at 3 points :)  I packed about 2.5 weeks of clothes for a 5 day trip, and I’m nervously excited to meet his parents in less than 24 hours.  They’re driving to NYC right now, and we’ll all head out towards Massachusetts tomorrow morning, along with Jasper the Dog :D  I’m still worried that I’ll screw things up via unforseen self-sabotage.  IT COULD HAPPEN.  Or I could be so nervous I kill every conversation, and come off as a bitch.  I think I’m very capable of this!  It’s too bad the weather is getting cooler…I know most people like it being in the 60s, but I’m still a fan of dry heat and sundresses.  Without a good leather motorcycle jacket, I just feel very unprepared for Fall (I know this sounds very petty!).  I got my eye on a faux-leather jacket at Express, and it’s mostly-wool version:

Anyway, gotta finish up my packing now.  Hopefully I’ll have lots of great news to update with soon, instead of tales of self-sabotage.

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