Jasper and bubbles at a doggy birthday party last weekend!
The smell of barbecued meat puffed in the air. Empty wine bottles littered the glass patio table. People laughed, people reclined. My boyfriend turned in his chair, skin illuminated yellow by the flickering flame of a giant citronella candle. He took my hand in his, and his blue eyes looked in to me. His palms pressed down on my fingers warmly. “I want to marry you,” he said, almost whispering. The shadow of a smile curled like a cat’s tail.
“You’re drunk,” I said.
We haven’t been together for long – less than 9 months total. This isn’t even his longest relationship, which lasted 1.5 years. But my boyfriend says he’s in love with me, and as the weeks go by, he drops more and more hints that marriage is coming. I don’t know whether that’ll really happen soon…perhaps it’s still way in the future. He knows he’s not quite financially secure, and I get the feeling that he is logical enough to know you need a good sum of money to get married. Especially since I’ve told him my family is huge, and would want to attend the wedding if they could. Nevertheless, the marriage hints still keep coming.
- Ring shopping. I am sincerely surprised that he’s started this on his own! But like I said, he doesn’t have much money. He told me that cubic zirconias are cheap and look like diamonds – would I mind if I was given a cubic zirconia instead of a real diamond? I don’t consider myself an engagement ring snob but it turns out I really do have standards. Imitation anything is disappointing to me. If we were to get insightful about it, I could say that marriage should be genuine, and therefore so should the ring that promises me to him. I don’t care about diamond rings, but I do care about fakes; things that pretend to be something they’re not. And one may read this and think, it’s snobbish of me to want a clear rock on my ring to be a diamond. Well no, I don’t think it has to be a diamond. But if it’s going to be a clear rock, people are going to assume it’s a diamond, and I can just imagine the hassle there would be with explaining to everyone that it’s a cubic zirconia instead. I also hate talking to people and explaining things, which means a cubic zirconia is really just not the gem for me.
In an attempt to spare his feelings, I joked that they’re not good compared to diamonds, because you can’t use it to properly travel through time (a la Day of the Tentacle).
I then went on to say that my mom had a sapphire engagement ring, that birthstones and other gemstones are the trend now, and that sapphires were originally the traditional engagement ring stone. During the Crusades, it was believed that the sapphire would change color if a fiancee cheated. I don’t know if I definitely want a sapphire, but I’d be okay with it. They’re definitely pretty. I think I care more about how the band of the ring looks….I’ve always wanted something that looked like an elf or dwarf smithed it in to the world.
- Ringless proposals while drunk. These shouldn’t count, and I definitely don’t count them without the ring and the formalities that make your heart stop. I don’t want to be one of those girls who’s sitting on the couch, watching Netflix with her boyfriend, when suddenly he turns and says, “Hey, you wanna get married?” There is absolutely no way I would say yes. My normal reply is, “You’re drunk.” It’s happened a few times. I also know someone who was proposed to in this way and she seems to be overcompensating for the casual proposal with a very elaborate wedding.
- Sending me strange marriage advice from the internet. Tonight, I received a Yahoo! Answers link on my phone. It wasn’t a question, just some white guy ranting about how he married a Filipina who mooched off of him and took him for all he was worth. We joked around, and I made it clear that I’m not even Filipino, AT ALL….My family came from there, but by blood we are 100% Chinese and raised the “traditional way”. He came back a few minutes later with more articles about marrying a Chinese woman, haha. It was around then that it struck me as odd – “Wait, why are you looking up marriage advice online right now?”
“What? Noooo…” He replied, “Just looking up how awful Filipina women are.” And before I could say anything about that, he admitted that “Maybe I still have my old reaction, when I was afraid a girl would notice I liked her I’d make her think I hated her.”
Like…..boys in elementary school who punch and pick on girls they have a crush on….
- Talking about how to raise our future kids. Key word: “our”. Every now and then this subject comes up out of the ether of his mind; he’ll randomly ask me a question and see if it lines up with his preferences on child rearing. I go along with it, because I think about it a lot too, in general. It surprises me, however, to be with a guy who seems to be weighted with thoughts of a life together with me. It’s, you know, like he wants to keep me around for a long, long time…and I find it sweet.
Like I said, I don’t think he’s going to propose any time soon. Neither of us are in a financial situation that would allow for it, and I’m sure he’d want to live with me before marriage. That’s what white people do, right? :P But even with that, I get the sense that he’s getting more and more confident about proposing to me, and I get an even stronger feeling that this might happen next year. Oh, hm. But do I really want to get engaged in the year 2014? Haha. My superstitions are kicking in….!