Does the Good Outweigh the Bad?

Although we are technically past the halfway point in the year…!

After seeing the “State of Your Year” prompt at the Daily Post, I casually polled my friends about how their 2013 has been so far.

Overwhelmingly, it’s been negative!!  At best, they would say their year was “meh”.  Life is as such that there will always be ups and downs…the question is, does the good outweigh the bad?  And can you roll with the punches?

The Bad

Every new year begins with hope, but unfortunately mine began with a conspicuous mole.  On one hand, you could say that going to a good dermatologist and getting a suspicious mole excised was a good thing.  And I know that has to be true, in the long run.  But we’re not in the future yet, we’re in the present.  I’m in the present and this one, “routine surgery” became a second surgery, then a third, and then a fourth, big, operating-theater-we-must-put-you-under surgery.  Dealing with the first three was already awful, especially because local anaesthetics SUCK and I could feel my flesh getting snipped away.  The fourth surgery went well, technically, but it’s in dealing with the fallout that really sucked.  And I’m STILL dealing with it today:

I can’t take Tylenol anymore because I might be allergic or something.  Since the first pill of Oxycontin after my surgery, all I get are adverse side effects and rebound headaches, even with the over-the-counter Tylenol.

Post-Surgery anti-biotics RUINED MY LIFE!!!!  Okay, I still have a job and a roof over my head.  Now, they don’t want people screwing up with taking antibiotics (by taking too little or too much), so nowadays doctors prescribe single dose pills.  The thing about this is, it’s a STRONG dose of medicine…and antibiotics are indiscriminate   So while it will kill bacteria that may infect my incision, it also kills the “good bacteria” in my gut that helps me digest and function, biologically, normally.  It also ruins…surprise surprise…the delicate balance in your vagina :(   My digestion problems cleared up in a month of taking probiotics, but yeast infections now plague me.  I HATE IT.  I never had these before my surgery, then got it just a week afterwards – the doctors were not surprised, and apparently it is common to get yeast infections after surgery like that.  Since my surgery 3 months ago, I’ve been getting a new infection (or the resurfacing of the old one…) every month, before my period.  This is also common, according to various internet advise sites….because of the estrogen drop a week before my period.  I say “resurfacing” because pretty much everyone has yeast.  Sorry, I know it’s a gross thought.  But it doesn’t hurt you and become an “infection” because your body is in balance…the antibiotics wrecked me enough that I can’t seem to get back “in balance” yet.  So I’m taking probiotic pills, changing my diet so carbs (AKA sugars) are rare, and my mom just dropped off some home made yogurt for me to eat.  Fingers crossed that this gets fixed, cuz it also means no more alcohol :(

Some people get itchy when they have a yeast infection.  My reaction is burning, searing, hideous pain when I’m trying to sleep.  You know that quote from the movie, Heathers?

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.”

That’s what it feels like, but a chainsaw is never all THAT gentle!  I scream and cry till I fall asleep from exhaustion.

The medical bills.  They’re awful.  They’re everything anyone has ever complained about when it comes to hospital bills in the US.  Though I have insurance, I still have to pay another $10,000 out of pocket.  I’m getting billed for things that I’m not even sure I should be billed for, which is sometimes the case (I’ve read) with hospitals….they are a bastion of incompetence when it comes to billing.  I have a literal stack of bills on my desk to sort through, with tons of triple-digit codes whose true meanings I’m not privy to.  All this has been accumulating over the past 3-4 weeks.  I think everything is finally in, so the massive amount of phone calls I’m doing to figure stuff out has begun.  I still need to write an appeal letter to my insurance, to see if they can cover a bit more of what the hospital is charging me, call the hospital to see if a certain $300 charge was erroneous or not (I thought post-op follow ups are supposed to be included with the surgery price, not count as a separate appointment), attempt negotiations with my 2nd surgeon and beg him to lower his bill….complain to another doctor about how they submitted my tissue to an out-of-network lab instead of one that’s in-network….that’s totally their mistake….and ….damn…there was 1 more thing.  I’ve forgotten what it is.  It just sucks.  Oh yeah, I need to ask my insurance for a partial refund for something and ask yet a different doctor for a refund as well, because I’m short on money now.

I hope this isn’t how the rest of my life is going to be like.

The Good

  Despite all that crap, there’s been some great things happening this year.  The biggest technically started at the end of 2012 – I got a new boyfriend!!  And I know it’s unhealthy to compare your ex to your current guy, but I keep doing it and my current boyfriend keeps ending up on top.  He’s better in 99.998% of all the match ups!  He’s been really sweet and supportive to me throughout all of that horrible surgery stuff, which can’t be fun for someone who just got in to a new relationship with a girl.  It’s like, the anti-thesis of a honeymoon period.  I remember one time when we were working together….it was after the third surgery, and I finally got a call from my dermatologist with my biopsy results.  Margins were positive; my dermatologist then told me to see an oncologist because this was too much for her to handle without an operating room.  It meant that all this pain was not over, and I burst out crying at work.  With barely any time to hit “END” on my cellphone, I dashed down the stairs and ran in to the back hallway, where no one goes, to cry in secret.  My boyfriend followed me out and gave me a shoulder to cry on….and I’ll never forget that.  Oh yeah, and his dog is a sweetie, too :D

There’s also a lot of good to look forward to, in the future.  I’ve got some vacations lined up!

  • September – I meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time…!  We’re going to Provincetown, MA, specifically since we can take his dog there.  There’s a lot of dog-friendly hotels, restaurants, etc. so it should be fun!  I’m really nervous about this and hope it doesn’t end up on the “Bad” list for the end of 2013.  I’ve never been good with meeting parents, even with platonic friends.  I’m not good at meeting people, period!  Social awkwardness can be a real curse.
  • November – FIRST INTERNATIONAL TRIP in 3 years!!!!!!!  You have no idea how antsy I been getting by staying in the US for so long!!  My sister invited me to this wedding in the Philippines with her, and I’m soooo excited.  We’ll finally get to explore the Philippines without our parents, and go do tourist things, enjoy 5-star white sand beaches, cheap yet amazing food, $5 USD massages…!  I am not looking forward to the bugs.  Last time I was there, I counted 30 mosquito bites and 1 infected spider bite.
  • October – not a vacation, but I’m doing the Electric Run with my sister and a good friend of mine…and I’m really excited for this one!

So was it a good half year or a bad one?  It’s a mixed bag, just like everything in life.  There’s a lot I want to put behind me, and even more I’m looking forward to.


5 thoughts on “Does the Good Outweigh the Bad?

  1. 2013 has been sucking on my end. Yesterday I told my boyfriend that I’m ready for this year to speed past and head into 2014 anytime. Health wise its been bad. The last few months have been a roller coaster of craziness. And you know how much I love roller coasters especially those with turns…LOL! Thats about my enthusiasm for this year…but you know, as always its nice to stay positive. Always something better to look forward to! I will make things happen and try to take control :)
    You said it right on in your last sentence! Stay positive! Bigger and better things will come :)

  2. My 2013 really just has been quiet and mundane its kinda nice or boring from the roller coaster 2012 was… And you went out of the country last year unless you count Canada as ‘domestic’ ;) but yeah I don’t really see Canada as too international you really need to fly a bit to feel international haha. I love how your BF finally got you after only chasing you for couple years and you calling me alot to come along XD! Jasper is just so damn cute!!! The hospital bills are just a pandora’s box, and you need to read every little detail and every little fine print because the people who file this don’t care and know people of insurance and middle class will usually pay blindly so they dont ruin credit, meanwhile an illegal or low class person they know won’t pay and they won’t hound as much. So make sure everything is correctly done everywhere before a dime is spent. Seems like the second half of 2013 will be much better for you :) I mean heck your going abroad! I am jealous! I don’t think I will be able to this year :(

    • Yeahhh, it doesn’t feel international unless I fly! Maybe Mexico would be different, it was just so easy to get in to Canada ;) As for my boyfriend, I’m really fond of those memories you’re talking about xD Like when we went to Queens Archery, then I was practically begging you to come to the bar with me so I’m not alone with him! Haha!! You’re a good sport! I can’t stop thinking about how poor people and illegals don’t pay ANYTHING for hospitals….that’s the whole reason they made me pay $3500 the morning of my surgery! It was basically collateral in case I cut and run, but geez…I don’t even have a credit card that can pay that amount! My limits aren’t that high!

      I’m glad that your 2013 has been “quiet” actually, cuz I know 2012 was pretty awful for you…you need the break! And seems like most other people I know have been having such a blah to bad 2013 so far too. So compared to them you’re probably doing really well :P

      • Yeah I think everyone else got the 2012 memo now in 2013, not to say it was any good that its happening now but 2012 is the year that shall not be remembered. Haha yeah it was good times though I have to say. I really hope they will change the out of pocket costs to bare bones hopefully since its really unfair and crazy.

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