Overwhelmingly, it’s been negative!! At best, they would say their year was “meh”. Life is as such that there will always be ups and downs…the question is, does the good outweigh the bad? And can you roll with the punches?
Every new year begins with hope, but unfortunately mine began with a conspicuous mole. On one hand, you could say that going to a good dermatologist and getting a suspicious mole excised was a good thing. And I know that has to be true, in the long run. But we’re not in the future yet, we’re in the present. I’m in the present and this one, “routine surgery” became a second surgery, then a third, and then a fourth, big, operating-theater-we-must-put-you-under surgery. Dealing with the first three was already awful, especially because local anaesthetics SUCK and I could feel my flesh getting snipped away. The fourth surgery went well, technically, but it’s in dealing with the fallout that really sucked. And I’m STILL dealing with it today:
I can’t take Tylenol anymore because I might be allergic or something. Since the first pill of Oxycontin after my surgery, all I get are adverse side effects and rebound headaches, even with the over-the-counter Tylenol.
Post-Surgery anti-biotics RUINED MY LIFE!!!! Okay, I still have a job and a roof over my head. Now, they don’t want people screwing up with taking antibiotics (by taking too little or too much), so nowadays doctors prescribe single dose pills. The thing about this is, it’s a STRONG dose of medicine…and antibiotics are indiscriminate So while it will kill bacteria that may infect my incision, it also kills the “good bacteria” in my gut that helps me digest and function, biologically, normally. It also ruins…surprise surprise…the delicate balance in your vagina :( My digestion problems cleared up in a month of taking probiotics, but yeast infections now plague me. I HATE IT. I never had these before my surgery, then got it just a week afterwards – the doctors were not surprised, and apparently it is common to get yeast infections after surgery like that. Since my surgery 3 months ago, I’ve been getting a new infection (or the resurfacing of the old one…) every month, before my period. This is also common, according to various internet advise sites….because of the estrogen drop a week before my period. I say “resurfacing” because pretty much everyone has yeast. Sorry, I know it’s a gross thought. But it doesn’t hurt you and become an “infection” because your body is in balance…the antibiotics wrecked me enough that I can’t seem to get back “in balance” yet. So I’m taking probiotic pills, changing my diet so carbs (AKA sugars) are rare, and my mom just dropped off some home made yogurt for me to eat. Fingers crossed that this gets fixed, cuz it also means no more alcohol :(
Some people get itchy when they have a yeast infection. My reaction is burning, searing, hideous pain when I’m trying to sleep. You know that quote from the movie, Heathers?
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.”
That’s what it feels like, but a chainsaw is never all THAT gentle! I scream and cry till I fall asleep from exhaustion.
The medical bills. They’re awful. They’re everything anyone has ever complained about when it comes to hospital bills in the US. Though I have insurance, I still have to pay another $10,000 out of pocket. I’m getting billed for things that I’m not even sure I should be billed for, which is sometimes the case (I’ve read) with hospitals….they are a bastion of incompetence when it comes to billing. I have a literal stack of bills on my desk to sort through, with tons of triple-digit codes whose true meanings I’m not privy to. All this has been accumulating over the past 3-4 weeks. I think everything is finally in, so the massive amount of phone calls I’m doing to figure stuff out has begun. I still need to write an appeal letter to my insurance, to see if they can cover a bit more of what the hospital is charging me, call the hospital to see if a certain $300 charge was erroneous or not (I thought post-op follow ups are supposed to be included with the surgery price, not count as a separate appointment), attempt negotiations with my 2nd surgeon and beg him to lower his bill….complain to another doctor about how they submitted my tissue to an out-of-network lab instead of one that’s in-network….that’s totally their mistake….and ….damn…there was 1 more thing. I’ve forgotten what it is. It just sucks. Oh yeah, I need to ask my insurance for a partial refund for something and ask yet a different doctor for a refund as well, because I’m short on money now.
I hope this isn’t how the rest of my life is going to be like.
Despite all that crap, there’s been some great things happening this year. The biggest technically started at the end of 2012 – I got a new boyfriend!! And I know it’s unhealthy to compare your ex to your current guy, but I keep doing it and my current boyfriend keeps ending up on top. He’s better in 99.998% of all the match ups! He’s been really sweet and supportive to me throughout all of that horrible surgery stuff, which can’t be fun for someone who just got in to a new relationship with a girl. It’s like, the anti-thesis of a honeymoon period. I remember one time when we were working together….it was after the third surgery, and I finally got a call from my dermatologist with my biopsy results. Margins were positive; my dermatologist then told me to see an oncologist because this was too much for her to handle without an operating room. It meant that all this pain was not over, and I burst out crying at work. With barely any time to hit “END” on my cellphone, I dashed down the stairs and ran in to the back hallway, where no one goes, to cry in secret. My boyfriend followed me out and gave me a shoulder to cry on….and I’ll never forget that. Oh yeah, and his dog is a sweetie, too :D
There’s also a lot of good to look forward to, in the future. I’ve got some vacations lined up!
- September – I meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time…! We’re going to Provincetown, MA, specifically since we can take his dog there. There’s a lot of dog-friendly hotels, restaurants, etc. so it should be fun! I’m really nervous about this and hope it doesn’t end up on the “Bad” list for the end of 2013. I’ve never been good with meeting parents, even with platonic friends. I’m not good at meeting people, period! Social awkwardness can be a real curse.
- November – FIRST INTERNATIONAL TRIP in 3 years!!!!!!! You have no idea how antsy I been getting by staying in the US for so long!! My sister invited me to this wedding in the Philippines with her, and I’m soooo excited. We’ll finally get to explore the Philippines without our parents, and go do tourist things, enjoy 5-star white sand beaches, cheap yet amazing food, $5 USD massages…! I am not looking forward to the bugs. Last time I was there, I counted 30 mosquito bites and 1 infected spider bite.
- October – not a vacation, but I’m doing the Electric Run with my sister and a good friend of mine…and I’m really excited for this one!
So was it a good half year or a bad one? It’s a mixed bag, just like everything in life. There’s a lot I want to put behind me, and even more I’m looking forward to.