Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.* There sits a young woman, freshly 25, at her computer in her room, in the greatest city of the third orbiting planet. Clouds and crescent moons dot her purple pajamas, a yellow tanktop from a now bankrupt store hugs her torso. Black pigtails drape down from behind her ears.
She sits and stares at the screen, wondering what to do, what to write. “What do I have to say that could possibly be important enough to record publicly on the internet?” she wonders.
* * *
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written here. December was insanely busy, what with my birthday that wasn’t so great, the prolonged death of my very first relationship (of 3 years) that I don’t want to talk about, hectic impromptu Christmas cooking of a wild boar, hitting the gym with my also-newly-single-sister, all the parties and the New Year. Anything that happened in between got lost; time slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. Can’t do anything about that though. What happened has happened. I had even stopped going to websites I loved to read, stopped playing the games I have, stopped reading the books I enjoyed. But this week, I’ve been picking myself back together in the way Humpty Dumpty never could, and things are looking up.
It’s 2013, a new year. Time for change…right? Year of the Snake. My ex-boyfriend was a Snake in the Chinese Zodiac.
Bad line of thought.
Most people would put together a shortlist of New Year’s Resolutions around this point. I’m still in the first week of the New Year, so this isn’t really THAT late! But how many people even stick with what they “resolved” to do? It’s all a lie, and yes you should all feel bad about it, you lied to yourself, you gave yourself hope and you have no one to blame but yourself for not reaching your goal. Whether it be reaching too far, or simply that you only jotted down some Resolutions because it makes you feel better about yourself to pretend you’re going to change your life for the better. These lies soothe you for another 12 months, then just as the haze is wearing off and you’re panicking that – oh no, it’s December and I haven’t stuck with anything – the year is over and you get to re-promise yourself things.
Guess what though? I DID achieve my New Year’s Resolution from 2012. I wanted to get fit, I wanted to become a better runner. I wanted to drop the 10-12lb I picked up from 2011’s Thanksgiving~Christmas festivities. And it worked, I pushed myself, signed up for races, put my money on the line and got up so freaking early in the morning or stayed up late at night to squeeze in my runs. My sides would hurt for 30min, my lungs would choke shut with my asthma. But I did it, I got stronger, I dropped the weight! It took me 10 months but I did it, and my jogging time went from 22 minutes in January to 11min by the end of summer. If you say you’re gonna do something then goddamn do it…what are you waiting for? Someone to crack the whip FOR you? You promised yourself, you’re your own client, your own boss. It doesn’t matter to anyone else if you’re fat, but if YOU are not happy with it then change it and put the effort.
And that effort is not just jogging twice a week or thrice a week. That effort, specifically for weight loss, were the decisions I made several times a day, every time I put something in my mouth. All of those choices build up. I’m not naturally skinny. I’m not. If I ate a pint of ice cream every night, a bag of chips a day, fast food, processed food, cheese, nachos, beer, double chocolate fudge brownie cakes, all this crap….then I’d be fat too. But I don’t eat that, I purposefully don’t eat that. Fruits are my dessert, blocks of cheese and dark chocolate are my snacks. Bread? I hate it, don’t eat it. My only grain is rice, and even then it’s like half a cup. Home cooking, meat, veggies, fruits, just put in good stuff to your body. I hate the people who think buying food outside is cheaper.
What the hell world do you live in? My $10 groceries last 2-3 meals for more than one person….that’s a damn good value, better than McDonald’s. Maybe you’re buying stupid crap at an expensive grocery when it’s not on sale. There is always sale meat, sale veggies, and sale fruits. Pick those up instead and you’ll feel better about yourself in so many ways.
Wow. How did this turn in to a rant about weight!?
Let’s focus on something good. I have ZERO direction in this post. That’s a statement, not a criticism. I don’t care anymore, this is my place to spill my stream of thoughts. Oh I remember why I turned sour, I accidentally thought about my first ex-boyfriend. Let’s get back on track:
What do I want to accomplish in 2013?
- Maintain healthier eating
- Bump up my running distance from 5k to 10 miles
- Learn Nuke, learn my work programs better in general
- Sew an awesome Halloween costume this year, this time with feeling/effort! And if not….at least sew more than two articles of clothing from scratch.
- Finally clear out the BAD clothes in my closet that don’t fit and don’t make me feel pretty.
Ending today’s all-over-the-place post with a photo of a really awesome Christmas present I got: