Does Anything Ever Change?


  After tossing and turning for the entire night, it's finally 6AM and I finally gave up on sleep. The alarm should sound in two hours, I'll have that 40min commute to work, and all the stress of a directionless commercial to work on. But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about how I suddenly feel this urge to write things, and this is probably because I clipped my nails. There's nothing like the satisfying click-click of the keyboard under trimmed nails. :)

  But honestly, I don't know why I want to write here again, after so many years of keeping my thoughts to myself. It probably just came to a point where I thought – why bother? What is there to worry about? Part of the answer is fear of what others will think of what I write. Not of my technical proficiency, but of how mean I truly am :P And the worry that what if I want to rant about someone I don't like, or even worse – rant about someone I DO like. That is the most troublesome of all. We all need to get things off our chests now and then, and writing it out is healthy and harmless….UNTIL eyes that were never meant to read it DO read it.

  And in that way, it makes the idea of an anonymous yet public and online blog very strange.

  So I made a separate blog about things I hate :) And that's where I'll write that toxic stuff! This one will house…I suppose…things I am depressed or excited about! Yeah, those are the things worth writing about.


  Like I said, it's strange to see this old stuff again.  So far I only had the heart to see the last post I wrote here, with this "bucket list" of things I wanted to do.  Isn't it sad that few have been accomplished?  So here is an updated status on it.

1. Learn to sew/use a sewing machine (INCOMPLETE: Started then aborted; need to start seriously again…at FIT?)
2. Learn everything about Dynamics in Maya (Dynamics is hard!  Became a generalist in Maya instead, doing modeling, texturing, light animation, light rendering…)
3. Learn and experiment with texturing and lighting (since everything just takes practice)
4. Learn to cook something more than curry and instant noodles (DONE!!  Yet, education in cookery is never over!)
5. Learn Chinese (IN PROCESS: currently taking lessons on the weekend for Mandarin.)
6. Finish all my half-done video games (Uhhh, hard to gauge this.  The older you get, the more games are released, the more aborted games gather to you).
7. Draw. (DONE but never over!  Though this year had some hiatus because of OT, I've been updating Deviant Art way more)
8. Learn to swim (Not yet T_T … It seems adult classes are $200+….I should just pay….once work finally pays me…)
9. Read a book on the beach. The way things are, probably a program manual :( (DONE! Read some lovely fiction eBooks!)
10.Catch up on all the good, inspirational movies I've missed.  (What a horrible goal!  This will never end, new movies come out all the time!)
11.Learn to dance, PROPERLY (INCOMPLETE: I learned some basic East Coast Swing and Cha Cha!  But it's only basic…I will leave it uncrossed out….)
12.Travel the world (Another never-ending one, because of financial restrictions ;)  But I have been to more places since the last time I posted, and here's a Google Map with the places I've slept in.)
13.Learn to ride a bike. (INCOMPLETE: I can ride in a straight line, still suck so bad at turning!  Need to just buy a cheap bike at Kmart…)

Instead of making a lifelong list that I can never cross things off of, I'm gonna start one for 2012 instead.

  1. Maintain a blog!  Or at least write every day, usually on  I like that it's defaulted at private.
  2. Read 25 books.  PROGRESS: 8/25 done so far!  Making good time now that I have a Kindle <3
  3. Shoot and do post-work to completion of a short film.  Most likely about kenjutsu!
  4. Repair relationship with Sister, so she doesn't think I'm "out to bring her down".
  5. Draw something and post it online every week, at least.
  6. Get a new computer desk, make my room look PRETTY *_*
  7. Complete Couch to 5k
  8. Run in a short race (5k? Haha.)

  That's all I can think of, this early in the morning.  Or this late at night.  Maybe I could even up it to drawing every day, and post that along with my daily writing!  Ha!  No way I am diligent enough for that!  Lately I come home, jog for 30-60min, gorge myself on dinner, then lie comatose in bed.  Tonight, no comatose, just unproductive insomnia.  Ahhh, the sunlight is coming in now…

  It feels nice to have a journal again.


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